Blended Families

Blending families is not simple. I think of the movie "Your's, Mine, and Ours." Obviously that is an extreme case since they both had HUGE families to begin with. But it still illustrates some of the challenges of a newly blended family.

It's hard for a child to accept a new authority figure that is supposed to meet their needs. It is suggested that it's best for the new step-parent to act in the capacity of an uncle or aunt for the first few years, depending on the family. This may seem extreme but when you think about the role of an uncle or aunt it makes sense.

 An involved uncle or aunt 
is always there for you
 they are supportive and understanding
if there is something that is troublesome they will tell the parents

Likewise a step-parent would do well to do these things and let the birth parent be responsible for the discipline for at least the first two years to help the kids make a smooth transition.

Popkin's Parenting

Explaining parenting in one post is quite a feat. Here's what I know: parenting is as much for the parents as it is the children. Parenting allows the parents to grow in ways they never could. It requires sacrifice and selflessness. Children fulfill a parents need of being needed. Children also have needs. Popkin came up with a method of parenting that is focused on the children's needs. I think it's great.

Here are a few of children's needs according to Popkin:

contact/belonging
cherished
trust
power

Looking over these things I don't think we ever grow out of these needs. A parent's job is to not only meet these needs but also to teach constructive ways for them to get it themselves.

A child uses a lot of attention seeking techniques when they don't feel their need of contact of belonging being met. Annoying others and getting into trouble are a few of the mistaken tactics that they use. According to Popkin if you meet their needs by hugging, smiling, creating opportunities for a child to contribute in the household and the community the child won't feel the need to act out.

Quote of week:

You can never get enough of what you don't need because what you don't need can never satisfy you. 

Who's Your Daddy?

We live in a world with split families and single mothers. Now, I believe in women's rights. I think women are able to do a lot of things that men can do and they should be paid the same. However, I also believe that it's a woman's right to stay home and change the world one child at a time. A prevalent idea in our society is that single mothers can do everything for a child that having two parents, a mother and a FATHER can do. This is not the case. I realize that there are special circumstances in which divorce is necessary, I also realize that tragedies can occur that leave a young widow. This is not what I am talking about. I am talking about the level of a present father's involvement in his child's life. There are many families that the father is so far removed from his children that he may as well be absent. This is a terrible thing and I believe that a contributing factor could be that the fathers don't feel needed. The truth is that Fathers are super important!

Here is a part of a paper that I wrote on the topic of the importance of fathers:

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In the article “Father involvement and child well-being,” Kathrine R  Wilson and Margot R Prior(2010) list the benefits of an involved father:

Better psychosocial adjustment in children and better mental health

as adults; higher levels of cognitive and social competence; increased social responsibility, capacity for empathy, self control, self-esteem, social maturity and life skills; more positive child–father and adolescent–father relationships; more pro-social sibling interactions; fewer school adjustment difficulties, better academic progress and enhanced occupational achievement in adulthood(2010).

It seems clear that there is a great need for fathers in a child’s progression.. 

According to Wilson and Margot (2010), there are three dimensions of involved fathering: available and accessible, engaged, and responsible. A father needs to be both available and accessible, they need to be around their children and responsive to any problems. A good father is engaged with their children, they actively listen and pay attention to their needs and interests. Finally an efficient father is responsible for the child. He is always thinking and planning to meet the child’s needs (Wilson et al. 2010). 

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I think that the world needs to be more aware of the benefits of an involved father. I believe that knowledge is the key to reform.